Today begins our 40th week. I frequently reminisce of the day Katie burst into the bedroom with the news of being pregnant. I always remember how cold she was because it was January 2nd and she had just returned from being outside. I don't quite recall my feelings, but I remember her hands and how they just seemed to give off a cold aura. Since then, it's amazing how much my brain has settled into my role. I imagine it will settle more as I begin to do fatherly things such as tear diapers in half and adjust the thermostat to fit the baby's comfort. At the time, I'm quite sure I didn't feel scared. I wasn't apprehensive, regretful or anything. I was just overwhelmed with a feeling I struggle to describe. It was a combination of excitement, pride, but also self-doubt. We were moving ahead to a step in our lives that didn't seem like it would ever come (we had planned on waiting two years) and ultimately, I didn't know if I would be a good enough father. I constantly analyzed my life and actions, studying every decision I made because now I was being watched. Now I was setting an example to my child born or not. I consider my life to be wonderful. I have an amazing wife and family (on both sides), I'm doing what I dreamed of doing when I was younger, and I feel like I'm actually making a difference in this world, albeit seemingly small. All this, and I still looked at myself with doubt. Could I take on the responsibility of essentially building this young man's character?
This was something I really struggled with at first and it's times like those (along with many others) when I understood why God put Katie in my life. She is so equipped to be a mother. Katie embodies the word. She values values and sees us at a greater depth than most others. She understood and understands how this child will benefit and hurt from us our decisions. She listens and she listened when I was doubtful and worried. Although I've heard this so often, people have done it with seemingly so much less. We're so blessed to have what we have, but more importantly, we're blessed to have each other. When it comes to having a dorky dad who embarrasses his children in front of their peers, this kid has no chance, but the good news is, I'll be there dorking it up. I'm sure I'll have to learn as I go, but with Katie teaching me how to velcro diapers, my parents teaching me how to cook, and my students teaching me the value of patience, I think I'll be okay. September 2nd...here we come.
I sure feel bad for the lack of pictures this week and apologize for the lack of humor...I just needed a break. Here's a picture to hold you over.
The next update you will see...will be the one...I can feel it.
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